During an email exchange with a friend when I discussed a previous relationship, I started feeling a lot of emotional pain. I thought I had dealt with those feelings; obviously I hadn't and they were coming up at that moment.
During my bus journey home, I was overwhelmed by feelings I hadn't felt in a while. I reminded myself that I am loved and blessed but I wasn't feeling the love or blessing. I was just feeling pain. It reminded me of an encounter I had recently with this woman. I told her how much I loved her outfit and how pretty she looked.
"Thank you, but I don't feel it," she said. "You always look very happy and vibrant."
My friend's appearance represents knowing about Love at an intellectual level. You can know all the Love stuff but if you're not feeling it, it means nothing.
Later when I went home, I didn't have my usual banter with my mother. I spent the night quietly reading and occasionally watching television. Then I went to bed. This morning I told mum why I'd been quiet. I said I was still feeling sad. After listening to me she reminded me that Love is in all things and I should trust that Love is working all things perfectly for good.
I agree with mum that Love is in all things and everything is working out perfectly. I believe in Love, I trust in Love. Yet, why am I still feeling so sad?
Hang on a minute, I am allowed to feel sad! That's what it means to love myself - to allow myself to feel whatever feelings are coming up for me without judgment. I am loving my feelings rather like a mother comforting her distressed child. I am being there for myself. I am loving myself no matter what I'm feeling or thinking.
Back to my email exchange with my friend, she'd written:
"you'll be more than alright. You have love running through you like a stick of seaside rock has writing."
You are so right, darling, I do have love running through me. Thank you, Love, for being there for me. And I love your metaphor, it rocks! ;-)
Related articles: You are An Angel!; More about Gifts of Love; Everything Works Out Perfectly; Why the Inner Critic is Now My Greatest Ally; Loving the Sadness; Be Like a Chair