Wednesday, 30 July 2008

Cravings

While I was sitting on the bus waiting for the driver to start, I noticed the radio was on. I haven't listened to the radio in ages. In fact, I'd forgotten the radio even exists. Why am I hearing the radio now? I heard a voice on the radio advertising Cumberland sausages. While I do enjoy sausages, they are not something I think about or even crave. My mother is a huge fan of sausages and I know she usually craves them. The driver switched off the radio and we were off.

Later, I had an idea to finish work early. Before I caught the bus, I decided to pop to the local supermarket to pick up some jam doughnuts. There were long queues as people had come out for their lunch break.

I found it quite odd that I was craving doughnuts at that particular moment. I can't remember the last time I stopped for lunch. I prefer working through the day and eat in the evening. I don't even like stopping to use the toilet unless it's an emergency. I looked up at the sky which was full of dark clouds. It even felt chilly. I felt like I was living out someone else's thoughts and ideas. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that my cravings for doughnuts were not mine and coming from someone else I'm very close to. It didn't stop me buying a couple of jam doughnuts and a bar of chocolate though.

Then I caught the bus into town. On the way, I put out an intention that I wanted to experience sunshine. After I had finished eating my doughnuts and chocolates I felt like returning to work, so I caught the bus back. On my way to the library, the sun came out and it felt lovely and warm. It was still warm in the evening which inspired me to walk the 8 miles or so home.

At home I asked my mother how her day had gone. She said she'd had a doctor's appointment then stopped off at the supermarket for a few items including some doughnuts. It turned out she'd been shopping around the same time I'd had the cravings for doughnuts, though the ones she bought were custard not jam.

And guess what my mother prepared for dinner? Stew with Cumberland sausages, which she'd bought at the supermarket. I asked her if she'd forgotten she already had some sausages in the freezer. She said she'd forgotten to defrost them so she decided to get some fresh sausages. I told her about the Cumberland sausages advert I'd heard on the bus and she was amazed.

In a reality where we are bombarded with thoughts and ideas, it's really important for me to know myself in order for me to be able to distinguish between what is my stuff and what is someone else's. I believe I only noticed the advert for those sausages because of my mother's love for sausages. It didn't make me crave them as I don't like them that much. When I had a craving for doughnuts, which I love, I knew that my cravings at that moment weren't mine.

Part of knowing myself is also knowing that a craving for a particular food will not make me put on weight. As I see it, eating is an act of love. While I appreciate experiencing love in this way, it doesn't make any difference to who I am as Love. In other words, a drop of water (food) merging into the ocean (my body) can't make any impact on the magnitude of the ocean. Nothing can be added to or taken away from infinity. The only time I lose or gain weight is when I'm feeling off balance. (see Getting Back in the Zone).

I don't mind picking up on someone else's cravings or ideas and making it personal if it's something I love or believe in; otherwise your name's not down and you're not coming in.

Enocia

Related articles: Getting Back in the Zone; A Cry for Help; My Real Home; Mind Control; Who is Thinking Whom? - Revisited; The Observer; Nothing Personal